"The very least you can do in your life is figure out what you hope for. And the most you can do is live inside that hope. Not admire it from a distance, but live right in it, under its roof."

—Barbara Kingsolver (Animal Dreams)

Once when I was a kid, my birthday wish was to be allowed to skip blowing the candle on my cake because I already wanted to play with my new Barbie doll. I longed to skip the festivity so I can stay in my room instead and play in Barbie’s world; I could zoom into the future to the time when I am 21, same age as Barbie’s I supposed. By then, I will imagine myself in pretty, colorful clothes and a posh car. I would cook breakfast in the morning in my pink kitchen and I would go to work in my classy designer suit. This gave out a natural high; it felt good to think of me being like Barbie. I was chic, independent, and successful.

3 days from now, I will be 21. I would’ve loved to tell you that I am in close range with my Barbie-self, but I’m not. I had a job which could not even allow me to buy a used car (not that it matters; I’m afraid of driving) and I’m going back to school again, thus my savings will depend again on the weekly allowance from my parents. I still have the same wooden closet and it’s now filled with clothes which couldn’t fit me anymore. 3 days from now will be the day I’ve always dreamt of. Who was I kidding?

Now I get it, why those who are growing old are afraid to be reminded of their age. Another year has passed and there could be dreams still left unfulfilled and a pile of resolutions yet to be observed. A year from now, you will have to blow another candle, and before you know it, another year will come on top of another, and you’d ask yourself, while thinking of a birthday wish: Have I become who I wanted to be this year?

You let out a sigh, blow the candle, and tell yourself, "Maybe next year".

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But of course, I’m not dreaming of becoming like Barbie anymore.

CLICK FOR MY BDAY WISH LIST :)